6/19/2007

iBT推迟了

今天,做了一个决定,把iBT推迟了。

从心里面觉得这是一个很失败的决定,我很鄙视我自己,可是这也是一个无奈的选择,理性的想想,也许这样是最好的。

其实我会很冲动,想想,管它那么多,考了就算了,早死早超生了。可是,只有冲动是解决不了问题的,更多的时候拼的是实力,比如,Toefl考试。

英语一直是我的痛,十多年了。可是,想想这么久了,英语确实有了明显的提高,——不是因为自己平时的努力,却是一次又一次考试逼的,四六级,考研,GRE,还有Toefl。想到那一天我真正的征服了英语,那真算是了了平生一大夙愿了。 

做了一个失败的决定,要的就是一个成功的结果。盘算一下还是付出了很大的机会成本,一定要物有所值。

还有一个月,时间要宽松些了,好好规划一下吧,除了托福还有其他很多事。

不管怎样,先休息几天,累死我了~

6/17/2007

父亲节·背影

父亲节,偶然又看到朱自清先生背影,与十年之前语文课本上之死读已大不相同。光阴荏苒,文字依然,情境迥异。慨叹幼年的无知与自负,竟不屑于课本上的美文佳作。而如今读来,直教泪眼婆娑,情不自已!


背影·朱自清


我与父亲不相见已二年余了,我最不能忘记的是他的背影。那年冬天,祖母死了,父亲的差使也交卸了,正是祸不单行的日子,我从北京到徐州,打算跟着父亲奔丧回家。到徐州见着父亲,看见满院狼藉的东西,又想起祖母,不禁簌簌地流下眼泪。父亲说,“事已如此,不必难过,好在天无绝人之路!”回家变卖典质,父亲还了亏空;又借钱办了丧事。这些日子,家中光景很是惨淡,一半为了丧事,一半为了父亲赋闲。丧事完毕,父亲要到南京谋事,我也要回北京念书,我们便同行。 


到南京时,有朋友约去游逛,勾留了一日;第二日上午便须渡江到浦口,下午上车北去。父亲因为事忙,本已说定不送我,叫旅馆里一个熟识的茶房陪我同去。他再三嘱咐茶房,甚是仔细。但他终于不放心,怕茶房不妥帖;颇踌躇了一会。其实我那年已二十岁,北京已来往过两三次,是没有甚么要紧的了。他踌躇了一会,终于决定还是自己送我去。我两三回劝他不必去;他只说,“不要紧,他们去不好!”

我们过了江,进了车站。我买票,他忙着照看行李。行李太多了,得向脚夫行些小费,才可过去。他便又忙着和他们讲价钱。我那时真是聪明过分,总觉他说话不大漂亮,非自己插嘴不可。但他终于讲定了价钱;就送我上车。他给我拣定了靠车门的一张椅子;我将他给我做的紫毛大衣铺好坐位。他嘱我路上小心,夜里警醒些,不要受凉。又嘱托茶房好好照应我。我心里暗笑他的迂;他们只认得钱,托他们直是白托!而且我这样大年纪的人,难道还不能料理自己么?唉,我现在想想,那时真是太聪明了!

我说道,“爸爸,你走吧。”他望车外看了看,说,“我买几个橘子去。你就在此地,不要走动。”我看那边月台的栅栏外有几个卖东西的等着顾客。走到那边月台,须穿过铁道,须跳下去又爬上去。父亲是一个胖子,走过去自然要费事些。我本来要去的,他不肯,只好让他去。我看见他戴着黑布小帽,穿着黑布大马褂,深青布棉袍,蹒跚地走到铁道边,慢慢探身下去,尚不大难。可是他穿过铁道,要爬上那边月台,就不容易了。他用两手攀着上面,两脚再向上缩;他肥胖的身子向左微倾,显出努力的样子。这时我看见他的背影,我的泪很快地流下来了。我赶紧拭干了泪,怕他看见,也怕别人看见。我再向外看时,他已抱了朱红的橘子望回走了。过铁道时,他先将橘子散放在地上,自己慢慢爬下,再抱起橘子走。到这边时,我赶紧去搀他。他和我走到车上,将橘子一股脑儿放在我的皮大衣上。于是扑扑衣上的泥土,心里很轻松似的,过一会说,“我走了;到那边来信!”我望着他走出去。他走了几步,回过头看见我,说,“进去吧,里边没人。”等他的背影混入来来往往的人里,再找不着了,我便进来坐下,我的眼泪又来了。

近几年来,父亲和我都是东奔西走,家中光景是一日不如一日。他少年出外谋生,独力支持,做了许多大事。那知老境却如此颓唐!他触目伤怀,自然情不能自已。情郁于中,自然要发之于外;家庭琐屑便往往触他之怒。他待我渐渐不同往日。但最近两年的不见,他终于忘却我的不好,只是惦记着我,惦记着我的儿子。我北来后,他写了一信给我,信中说道,“我身体平安,惟膀子疼痛利害,举箸提笔,诸多不便,大约大去之期不远矣。”我读到此处,在晶莹的泪光中,又看见那肥胖的,青布棉袍,黑布马褂的背影。唉!我不知何时再能与他相见!

5/15/2007

文章中了

本来是想看CrownCom07是否中了,结果那会议通知又一次推迟了几天。打开邮箱,居然有了意外收获,原本以为到六月中旬才给结果的WiCom07,竟然这么早就有了结果。仔细看了看,accepted!还算不错,虽然感觉这个会议像是个灌水会议,但是好歹也EI检索了,中了也还算高兴,至少有邮件中的一句话写的挺鼓舞的,“The review process was extremely selective and many good papers could not be included in the final program. The review process has not finished yet, but your paper has been included in the first batch of accepted papers!”

 

现在最希望的是CrownCom07能有好结果,那个会议应该是还有些价值的。现在的事情是越来越多了,托福准备的还差的太远了,需要下很大的力气。实验室的事情还是要继续下去,研究生还是得用paper来证明自己的。还有那该死的GRE,还在重考与不考中徘徊……

 

呜呼,路漫漫其修远兮,吾将上下而求索!

4/26/2007

存照留念

瀚海全站推荐了,存照纪念一下,呵呵

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精彩文章推荐



  • 心灵拾贝   hankun   [古典音乐]


    一部荡气回肠的电影,一首悦耳动听的歌曲,一场激情澎湃的演出,每当我有这样难忘的经历的时候总不忘发出一番感慨,于是一部部好电影,好歌曲,好音乐会就这样被我评头论足而随意糟蹋,至今唯一没有被我的魔爪所伤的便是古典音乐了吧。 今晚在实验室听了Mozart实在是意犹未尽,为了满足一下我那贪婪的耳朵,回到宿舍,趁着夜深人静,我还是戴上了耳机放上CD,闭幕凝神的附庸风雅了一番。乐起,心情起伏,感受思绪犹如泉涌,大有不吐不快之感。很惭愧,今天终于要糟蹋一下古典音乐了。 ...<以下省略>

term:  

                    ----==== 文章推荐榜 ====----

       标题: 心灵拾贝                                      [      hankun]
      信区: [ClassicMusic      ]  推荐时间: [Apr 25 12:56:02 2007]

4/24/2007

心灵拾贝

一部荡气回肠的电影,一首悦耳动听的歌曲,一场激情澎湃的演出,每当我有这样难忘的经历的时候总不忘发出一番感慨,于是一部部好电影,好歌曲,好音乐会就这样被我评头论足而随意糟蹋,至今唯一没有被我的魔爪所伤的便是古典音乐了吧。

今晚在实验室听了Mozart实在是意犹未尽,为了满足一下我那贪婪的耳朵,回到宿舍,趁着夜深人静,我还是戴上了耳机放上CD,闭幕凝神的附庸风雅了一番。乐起,心情起伏,感受思绪犹如泉涌,大有不吐不快之感。很惭愧,今天终于要糟蹋一下古典音乐了。


其实听古典算不上发烧,最多也就是个爱好者罢了,用足球的话说我就是一伪球迷。可是伪球迷也是球迷,不发烧也可以听古典,抱着半瓶醋的态度,我也时常游荡在Classic Music的边缘。好在我一般不跟别人说自己爱听古典,因为觉得用浅尝更为恰当一些吧。


一个无知的孩子仰望夜空时往往只能认识星空中最耀眼的星星,于是,那些音乐殿堂中最伟大的人物便成了我古典梦的大多数。


如果一定要从音乐史上选择一个人作为伟大作曲家代表的话,Ludwig van Beethoven这个名字我想大多数人都不会反对的。而贝多芬的第九交响曲也几乎被推到了极致,似乎那就是音乐世界的圣母峰,只能接近,不能超越。这首曲子被赋予太多太多的意义,它的诞生就是奇迹,它的首演是传奇,它成为衡量指挥家指挥水平的一个标准,它甚至规范了如今满大街都有的不论正版盗版的CD的时间长度,如此种种不胜列举。而我听贝九,常常不去思考那么深刻内涵,它太高深太伟大,我只能做为一个不合格的听众去品尝我所能感受的一点点思想了。其实,更多时候听的是那种音乐的美妙所带来的快感。至少,每当贝九中女声的和声响起,我总觉得这是来自天堂的声音,空灵,致远,清澈,圣洁,这一刻,心灵彻底净化了。


如果说贝九是贝多芬的巅峰之作,那么第五交响曲则是我的最爱了。我想,不论你听不听古典,都一定听过《命运》。“我要扼住命运的咽喉,不容它毁掉我!”这就是贝多芬带给我们的。开场管乐奏出的四个音符早已成为命运的敲门声,震撼激愤地吹响了向命运宣战的号角。有人说,认识贝多芬要从《命运》开始,其实,何止如此呢?认识自己,战胜自己也应该从《命运》开始。我听《命运》仿佛这里是永不枯竭的力量之源,源源不断的给我补充着动力,不论困难,忧郁,疾病,挫折,只要《命运》的音符响起,那便是天堂射来的一道圣光,将前进道路上的一切阻碍击得粉碎。贝九可以给我愉悦,而贝五则赐予我力量!


有时候,我宁愿相信贝多芬是上天派来拯救人类的,他用音乐为人们驱散阴霾和恶瘴。


然而,上天害怕贝多芬太过沉重,他还派了另外一个天才来传播福音,显然,他是Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart。三岁弹琴,四岁识谱,五岁作曲,除了稀世之才很难再找出别的词来形容他了。也许是他太过才华横溢而招致上帝的嫉妒,于是上帝在他36岁的时候就带走了他,留下的只有他传奇的故事和不朽的作品。喜欢莫扎特,但是他的作品却很难精准的评价。他比贝多芬更加古典华丽,极富感染力的音乐,优美流畅深情的旋律,也许这也就够了,相信很多人也跟我一样仅仅那些绝美的音符就足够你喜欢上莫扎特了。当然,一个天才绝不仅仅是用音符来证明自己的,生活的波折反而更加激发了他音乐背后透出的高贵,细腻,深沉,尊严。也许还有更多,只是我不能欣赏的了吧,但是,我必然明白,这就是伟大的莫扎特,伟大的音乐,华美的外衣之下迸发出如火的激情!


有一个人没有像贝多芬和莫扎特一般被奉为神明,可是他的拥趸却并不见少,他的名字叫Pyotr Il'yich Tchaikovsky,喜爱他的人亲切的称呼他为“老柴”。老柴最为著名的恐怕要算是《天鹅湖》了吧,这既是音乐的经典,也是芭蕾的经典,只是很可惜,一直没有亲自看过《天鹅湖》的演出。北京的一个朋友回来跟我说在人民大会堂看过俄罗斯国立芭蕾舞团的《天鹅湖》,说是如何精彩如何陶醉云云,听得我是我直流口水,于是,也会感慨合肥地僻人稀,想看到这样的演出实在不易。不过,最喜欢老柴的是他的D大调小协,时而急促时而委婉,时而深情款款时而激情洋溢,起伏不定,变幻莫测。记得电影《和你在一起》结尾的时候,刘小春站在车站持着提琴,手指跳跃琴弦纷飞,拉的是酣畅淋漓,犹如蛟龙游水,翻江倒海,天昏地暗。清楚的记得,当时坐在家里的沙发上呆呆的盯着电视,整个人灵魂出窍,完全沉浸的音乐之中,大有热泪夺眶而出之感!也正因此,有的曲子虽然疯狂的喜欢也不会常听,一怕挺多了对旋律免疫找不到感觉了,也怕听的伤神费力,身体受不了了,呵呵。老柴到底是离我们近一些,比起哪些遥远的古典,更容易让人理解,也更让人容易感动吧。


其实还有很多,喜欢巴赫的优美华丽与宗教气息,喜欢肖邦的行云流水般的钢琴诗歌,喜欢德沃夏克民族风格中透出的激情,等等等等。我一直认为听音乐是因人而异的,古典尤为如此,每个人的经历不同心境不同都会有自己的理解,这也正是音乐魅力之所在,深入其中,不论是深刻的思考,还是轻松的聆听,你都回陶醉在自己的那一片天空,那一片海洋。是的,每个人的心中都一个《命运》,每个人的都有一种古典吧。


当初潘朵拉的魔盒中飞出了疾病,衰老,罪恶,痛苦,战乱,只有希望被关在了里面,我想,那里面一定还有音乐吧,尽管被关了起来,但是音乐依然穿过盒子,穿过城堡,穿过乌云,把希望的声音播向天空,撒向大地了。


在真正古典乐迷眼中我大概只是一个在海边拾贝的顽童,但是偶然拾到的几颗光彩的贝壳就足以让我兴奋不已了!


感谢音乐!













4/22/2007

Think and Be Bright!

Yesterday, I read one of my friends' blog. As his past style, his articles still express some reviews relative to current affairs. His issues are short but thoughtful though I disagree with some viewpoints of him. It is important that his articles awake my cognition that I have lost my thought for a long time! 

At past, I proudly consider I am a person who observe and ponder dilligently, but yesterday I find these merit were discarded long long ago. How terrible! A person with no thought is almost equal to a mere husk. 

Fortunately, I still grasp my soul of wisdom and I have awared the befalling of crisis. Meditation makes a profound man. Ok, from now on, think and be bright!

4/13/2007

Steve Jobs' Commencement Address at Stanford

这已经成为一个经典的故事,不过今天我才认认真真的读了一便,这才发现,这是如此精彩的片段。认真的保留下来,相信每一次阅读都会多一份感动。
---------------------------------------------------------
Steve Jobs' Commencement Address at Stanford (2005)
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
---------------------------------------------------------
我生命中的三个故事
斯蒂夫·乔布斯,苹果电脑的CEO斯蒂夫·乔布斯在斯坦福大学毕业典礼上的演讲。

(斯坦福)是世界上最好的大学之一,今天能参加各位的毕业典礼,我备感荣幸。(尖
叫声)我从来没有从大学毕业,说句实话,此时算是我离大学毕业最近的一刻。(笑
声)今天,我想告诉你们我生命中的三个故事,并非什么了不得的大事件,只是三个小
故事而已。
第一个故事,是关于串起生命中的点点滴滴。(原文为“connecting thedots”指一种
小游戏:把标有序列号的点连起来,就构成一幅图画——译注)
我在里德大学呆了6个月就退学了,但之后仍作为旁听生混了18个月后才最终离开。我为
什么要退学呢?
故事要从我出生之前开始说起。我的生母是一名年轻的未婚妈妈,当时她还是一所大学
的在读研究生,于是决定把我送给其他人收养。她坚持我应该被一对念过大学的夫妇收
养,所以在我出生的时候,她已经为我被一个律师和他的太太收养做好了所有的准备。
但在最后一刻,这对夫妇改了主意,决定收养一个女孩。侯选名单上的另外一对夫妇,
也就是我的养父母,在一天午夜接到了一通电话:“有一个不请自来的男婴,你们想收
养吗?”他们回答:“当然想。”事后,我的生母才发现我的养母根本就没有从大学毕
业,而我的养父甚至连高中都没有毕业,所以她拒绝签署最后的收养文件,直到几个月
后,我的养父母保证会把我送到大学,她的态度才有所转变。
17 年之后,我真上了大学。但因为年幼无知,我选择了一所和斯坦福一样昂贵的大学,
(笑声)我的父母都是工人阶级,他们倾其所有资助我的学业。在6个月之后, 我发现
自己完全不知道这样念下去究竟有什么用。当时,我的人生漫无目标,也不知道大学对
我能起到什么帮助,为了念书,还花光了父母毕生的积蓄,所以我决定退学。我相信车
到山前必有路。当时作这个决定的时候非常害怕,但现在回头去看,这是我这一生所作
出的最正确的决定之一。(笑声)从我退学那一刻起,我就再也不用去上那些我毫无兴
趣的必修课了,我开始旁听那些看来比较有意思的科目。
这件事情做起来一点都不浪漫。因为没有自己的宿舍,我只能睡在朋友房间的地板上;
可乐瓶的押金是5分钱,我把瓶子还回去好用押金买吃的;在每个周日的晚上,我都会步
行7英里穿越市区,到Hare Krishna教堂吃一顿大餐,我喜欢那儿的食物。我跟随好奇心
和直觉所做的事情,事后证明大多数都是极其珍贵的经验。
我举一个例子:那个时候,里德大学提供了全美国最好的书法教育。整个校园的每一张
海报,每一个抽屉上的标签,都是漂亮的手写体。由于已经退学,不用再去上那些常规
的课程,于是我选择了一个书法班,想学学怎么写出一手漂亮字。在这个班上,我学习
了各种衬线和无衬线字体,如何改变不同字体组合之间的字间距,以及如何做出漂亮的
版式。那是一种科学永远无法捕捉的充满美感、历史感和艺术感的微妙,我发现这太有
意思了。
当时,我压根儿没想到这些知识会在我的生命中有什么实际运用价值;但是10年之后,
当我们的设计第一款Macintosh电脑的候,这些东西全派上了用场。 我把它们全部设计
进了Mac,这是第一台可以排出好看版式的电脑。如果当时我大学里没有旁听这门课程的
话,Mac就不会提供各种字体和等间距字体。自从视窗系统抄袭了Mac以后,(鼓掌大
笑)所有的个人电脑都有了这些东西。如果我没有退学,我就不会去书法班旁听,而今
天的个人电脑大概也就不会有出色的版式功能。当然我在念大学的那会儿,不可能有先
见之明,把那些生命中的点点滴滴都串起来;但10年之后再回头看,生命的轨迹变得非
常清楚。
再强调一次,你不可能充满预见地将生命的点滴串联起来;只有在你回头看的时候,你
才会发现这些点点滴滴之间的联系。所以,你要坚信,你现在所经历的将在你未来的生
命中串联起来。你不得不相信某些东西,你的直觉,命运,生活,因缘际会……正是这
种信仰让我不会失去希望,它让我的人生变得与众不同。
我的第二个故事是关于爱与失去。
我是幸运的,在年轻的时候就知道了自己爱做什么。在我20岁的时候,就和沃兹在我父
母的车库里开创了苹果电脑公司。我们勤奋工作,只用了10年的时间,苹果电脑就从车
库里的两个小伙子扩展成拥有4000名员工,价值达到20亿美元的企业。而在此之前的一
年,我们刚推出了我们最好的产品Macintosh电脑,当时我刚过而立之年。然后,我就被
炒了鱿鱼。一个人怎么可以被他所创立的公司解雇呢?(笑声)这么说吧,随着苹果的
成长,我们请了一个原本以为很能干 的家伙和我一起管理这家公司,在头一年左右,他
干得还不错,但后来,我们对公司未来的前景出现了分歧,于是我们之间出现了矛盾。
由于公司的董事会站在他那 一边,所以在我30岁的时候,就被踢出了局。我失去了一直
贯穿在我整个成年生活的重心,打击是毁灭性的。
在头几个月,我真不知道要做些什么。我觉得我让企业界的前辈们失望了,我失去了传
到我手上的指挥棒。我遇到了戴维·帕卡德(普惠的创办人之一——译注)和鲍 勃·诺
伊斯(英特尔的创办人之一——译注),我向他们道歉,因为我把事情搞砸了。我成了
人人皆知的失败者,我甚至想过逃离硅谷。但曙光渐渐出现,我还是喜欢我做过的事
情。在苹果电脑发生的一切丝毫没有改变我,一个比特(bit)都没有。虽然被抛弃了,
但我的热忱不改。我决定重新开始。
我当时没有看出来,但事实证明,我被苹果开掉是我这一生所经历过的最棒的事情。成
功的沉重被凤凰涅槃的轻盈所代替,每件事情都不再那么确定,我以自由之躯进入了我
整个生命当中最有创意的时期。
在接下来的5年里,我开创了一家叫做NeXT的公司,接着是一家名叫Pixar的公司,并且
接识了后来成为我妻子的曼妙女郎。Pixar制作了世界上第一部全电脑动画电影《玩具总
动员》,现在这家公司是世界上最成功的动画制作公司之一。(掌声)后来经历一系列
的事件,苹果买下了NeXT,于是我又回到了苹果,我们在NeXT研发出的技术在推动苹果
复兴的核心动力。我和劳伦斯也拥有了美满的家庭。
我非常肯定,如果没有被苹果炒掉,这一切都不可能在我身上发生。对于病人来说,良
药总是苦口。生活有时候就像一块板砖拍向你的脑袋,但不要丧失信心。热爱我所从事
的工作,是一直支持我不断前进的惟一理由。你得找出你的最爱,对工作如此,对爱人
亦是如此。工作将占据你生命中相当大的一部分,从事你认为具有非凡意义的工作,方
能给你带来真正的满足感。而从事一份伟大工作的惟一方法,就是去热爱这份工作。如
果你到现在还没有找到这样一份工作,那么就继续找。不要安于现状,当万事了于心的
时候,你就会知道何时能找到。如同任何伟大的浪漫关系一样,伟大的工作只会在岁月
的酝酿中越陈越香。所以,在你终有所获之前,不要停下你寻觅的脚步。不要停下。
 
我的第三个故事是关于死亡。
在17 岁的时候,我读过一句格言,好像是:“如果你把每一天都当成你生命里的最后一
天,你将在某一天发现原来一切皆在掌握之中。”(笑声)这句话从我读到之日起,就
对我产生了深远的影响。在过去的33年里,我每天早晨都对着镜子问自己:“如果今天
是我生命中的末日,我还愿意做我今天本来应该做的事情吗?”当一连好多天答案都否
定的时候,我就知道做出改变的时候到了。
提醒自己行将入土是我在面临人生中的重大抉择时,最为重要的工具。
因为所有的事情——外界的期望、所有的尊荣、对尴尬和失败的惧怕——在面对死亡的
时候,都将烟消云散,只留下真正重要的东西。在我所知道的各种方法中,提醒自己即
将死去是避免掉入畏惧失去这个陷阱的最好办法。人赤条条地来,赤条条地走,没有理
由不听从你内心的呼唤。
大约一年前,我被诊断出癌症。在早晨7:30我做了一个检查,扫描结果清楚地显示我的
胰脏出现了一个肿瘤。我当时甚至不知道胰脏究竟是什么。医生告诉我,几乎可以确定
这是一种不治之症,顶多还能活3至6个月。大夫建议我回家,把诸事安排妥当,这是医
生对临终病人的标准用语。这意味着你得把你今后10年要对你 的子女说的话用几个月的
时间说完;这意味着你得把一切都安排妥当,尽可能减少你的家人在你身后的负担;这
意味着向众人告别的时间到了。
我整天都想着诊断结果。那天晚上做了一个切片检查,医生把一个内诊镜从我的喉管伸
进去,穿过我的胃进入肠道,将探针伸进胰脏,从肿瘤上取出了几个细胞。我打了镇静
剂,但我的太太当时在场,她后来告诉我说,当大夫们从显微镜下观察了细胞组织之
后,都哭了起来,因为那是一非常罕见的,可以通过手术治疗的胰脏癌。 我接受了手
术,现在已经康复了。
这是我最接近死亡的一次,我希望在随后的几十年里,都不要有比这一次更接近死亡的
经历。在经历了这次与死神擦肩而过的经验之后,死亡对我来说只是一项有效的判断工
具,并且只是一个纯粹的理性概念时相比,我能够更肯定地告诉你们以下事实:没人想
死;即使想去天堂的人,也是希望能活着进去。(笑声)死亡是我们每 个人的人生终点
站,没人能够成为例外。生命就是如此,因为死亡很可能是生命最好的造物,它是生命
更迭的媒介,送走耋耄老者,给新生代让路。现在你们还是新生代,但不久的将来你们
也将逐渐老去,被送出人生的舞台。很抱歉说得这么富有戏剧性,但生命就是如此。
你们的时间有限,所以不要把时间浪费在别人的生活里。不要被条条框框束缚,否则你
就生活在他人思考的结果里。不要让他人的观点所发出的噪音淹没你内心的声音。最为
重要的是,要有遵从你的内心和直觉的勇气,它们可能已知道你其实想成为一个什么样
的人。其他事物都是次要的。
在我年轻的时候,有一本非常棒的杂志叫《全球目录》(The Whole EarthCatalog),
它被我们那一代人奉为圭臬。这本杂志的创办人是一个叫斯图尔特·布兰德的家伙,他
住在Menlo Park,距离这儿不远。他把这本杂志办得充满诗意。那是在60年代末期,个
人电脑、桌面发排系统还没有出现,所以出版工具只有打字机、剪刀和宝丽来相 机。这
本杂志有点像印在纸上的Google,但那是在Google出现的35年前;它充满了理想色彩,
内容都是些非常好用的工具和了不起的见解。
斯图尔特和他的团队做了几期《全球目录》,快无疾而终的时候,他们出版了最后一
期。那是在70年代中期,我当时处在你们现在的年龄。在最后一期的封底有一张清晨乡
间公路的照片,如果你喜欢搭车冒险旅行的话,经常会碰到的那种小路。在照片下面有
一排字:物有所不足,智有所不明(Stay Hungry. StayFoolish.)这是他们停刊的告别
留言。物有所不足,智有所不明。我总是以此自诩。现在,在你们毕业开始新生活的时
候,我把这句话送给你们。
物有所不足,智有所不明。(Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.)